Astraphobia [M] [Closed]

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Fri Jul 20, 2012 8:44 pm

Reno looked around them to ensure that they were alone and out of hearing range of anyone in the restaurant - not for dramatic purposes but for the very real danger of anyone overhearing what he was about to say.

"I'm contracted to ShinRa as... well, I guess you can say I'm an assassin. My speciality is extra-judicial killings and forced disappearances. I work with T-Tech, ShinRa's sister company, as a weapon sales representative, which is mostly a cover for what I really do. I'm good at both jobs, but neither come without their risks or injuries."

Very calmly he refilled their glasses, sheer force of will stopping his hands from shaking at revealing to Seph who he was, who he really was.

"I have more passports and identities than I have fingers and toes, I'm efficient in several martial arts techniques, hand-to-hand combat and - of course - have extensive firearms training."

He took a sip from the glass, mostly avoiding Seph's gaze.

"Yes, my name really is Reno Nevada, yes they really are my family and Jess' family really are as rich as I've made them out to be. No there is no ulterior motive to my being with you... and no, I didn't murder my father, as much as I wanted to. Yes, I have taken side contracts - which the company are aware of - and yes that is how the lawyer is indebted to me. However I do not take side contracts without extensive background research into the potential target, and I won't take a job where the person doesn't deserve what's coming to them."

He slowly looked up at him. "And you have no idea how much trust I have in you, or faith I have in our relationship to be that honest with you. Not even Jess knows the full extent of my job. She thinks I'm just on a secret task force."

He knew that as a ShinRa employee that Seph had no choice but to keep that secret, regardless of what happened between - but it still took an extraordinary amount of trust for him to not hide any part of that side of himself.

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 3:47 am

There appeared to be no reaction on Sephiroth's face, the in his mind it was completely the opposite. He knew Shinra used assassins, had dealt with them before, though the ones he knew were only a small portion of the numbers hired and true identities were an unknown. Sephiroth quickly latched on that, his eyes locked on Reno though he said nothing, his mind already suspicious. Though deep down Sephiroth knew it would have shattered him if the first instinct turned to be true. Though for Reno to be admitting this... there was no reason for it.

His work with the assassins had been limited. He dealt with the army, brute force, and those people were a dark underbelly, one he tended to stay away from though knew that he could not deny it.

Knowing this job, how could he even believe him? It was like a stab to the chest, knowing what he did about these people. No one could ever know, he could never know the true person, or that was the way it was meant to be. Sephiroth's arms remained crossed and he said nothing, no response to this, he just watched Reno. "There's a reason those that do that job are secret. Only the leaders of the company are meant to even know their true identities. Even when working with them I am only allowed to know their front. It is safer that way in case members of the military were captured and tortured."

Still no expression, his tone flat, Sephiroth's eyes remained locked on Reno. This knowledge put him in a bad position, but he was sworn to secrecy, but the fact that he even knew it now was unforgivable. No one was meant to have that knowledge. Sephiroth leaned forward and grasped the back of Reno's head. He leaned forward and lingered a breath away, whispering so he knew Reno could hear him but no one else.

"This is not over. This conversation will be continued in private," the lips brushed against Reno's, a kiss for anyone who may be watching rather than a passing of information. He drew back, his face as cold and impassive as it was when Reno told him.

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 3:53 am

Reno sighed; he knew that this would be the reaction. It was why he had avoided talking about his own work even though that would bring up suspicions too. Little by little he had let too much on and it had left him with no choice but to be honest or tell a blatant lie that Seph wouldn't believe.

Either way he knew it could, and would, damage their relationship.

He lightly brushed the crumbs from his hands and shifted his weight to stand. "Then we might as well leave now because neither of us are going to be able to enjoy the meal until this is resolved."

He stood, taking out his wallet and leafing out enough notes to cover the starters and champagne, barely masking how much it was hurting him that this was happening. "Come on."

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 4:10 am

It had been going so well, and just like that it was over. Sephiroth knew he wouldn't want to be lied to but this was worse. War was coming, and the very fact that he had this information now would put Reno in danger. If he was captured somehow the man he had grown to care so much for could be murdered. And it would be his doing. Should he be captured it was dangerous enough given his position, with his knowledge of the military maneuvers, but that was why they kept the top secret information from him.

Still no emotion flickered over Sephiroth's face, despite the fear and anger that ate away at him. Because of the pain he instead hid himself back in the guarded armor. Sephiroth stood and his hair shifted as he glanced towards Reno.

"I invited you. I should be paying."

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 4:16 am

Reno almost managed a smile. "Technically your son did," he said with a quiet sigh. "Besides, I ruined it - I pay for it. It seems fair, don't you think?"

He looked up at Seph, lingering a moment to take him all in for fear it would be the last time that he would be able to. He looked away as he put the wallet back in the breast pocket of his jacket.

"You choose where we go - I have a feeling you don't trust me with that decision now."

He said nothing else as he turned and walked to the exit, stepping out onto the street. His eyes closed as he silently berated himself for thinking it would be different if he told the truth. Lying had driven away his ex, and now the truth was going to do the same with Seph.

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 4:32 am

Sephiroth pulled out his wallet as he laid the rest of the money down in order to cover the main course. He wanted to kiss him, wanted to pull him close, but at the same time he wanted to yell at Reno, demand to know why he had put him into this position. Every thing was mixed up in his mind, and all that hid it was the poker face he had perfected years ago in the military, when being away from his sons made him want to fall apart.

And now that same mask was the only thing that kept him from shattering all over again.

"We go to your place. There's too much of a chance for they boys to overhear at mine," and he was not going to drag Reno into some sterile environment so it would have to be one of those two places. There was no contact as Sephiroth stepped beside him, his gaze locked forward. This needed to be dealt with.

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 4:44 am

Reno nodded silently and head for his apartment building, hands thrust in his pockets just so there was something to do with them. He said nothing as they entered the building and took the elevator up.

He didn't know what to say even if it had been advisable to say anything. He had put Seph in a bad situation because of his own stupidity in getting too close to someone... and instead of talking to Kadaj about being serious about the way he feels for his father he would be sat in his living room drinking until he was drunk enough to admit he couldn't be alone and getting a taxi to Jess' to sleep on the sofa.

Keys were tossed in the bowl, shoes nudged off. The jacket was discarded - in part to show he had nothing on him - and his hair untied. H felt like he was going to come undone in all the silence, and as scared as he was of what Seph was about to say... he needed him to say something.

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 4:56 am

A slow breath was exhaled as Sephiroth glanced away from Reno. "Do you have any idea even what type of position you have put me in? How dangerous this could be for you?" He snapped and then turned be back towards the red head, his glare locked on him.

He stood before him, not really able to hold back anything. Angry, upset, and above all hurt by the fact that he knew what could happen, and how could he know even that it was the truth? That he hadn't become close to him for some reason?

Could he even trust Reno?

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 5:02 am

"I had a choice - lie to you and know that you know I'm lying... watch it tear us apart and the final blow to be when I get assigned to your unit and you learn the truth that way. Or I could take a chance and tell you the truth because I trust that you would never endanger your country - or me - no matter what happened to you. Because I trust you so completely that I'm willing to take the risk of not telling you a lie you would never believe."

Reno ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh. "There was no winning for me in this situation, Seph. I just chose the path that might mean I don't lose you... from the look on your face I was wrong."

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 5:11 am

"I am not as strong as you want to believe. Everyone breaks. Sooner or later everyone breaks. Do you have any idea what it would do to me to know I am responsible for your death, or even to send you to do such things?"

No, he would have to make a choice, and he knew the dangers. Sephiroth did not know if he would even be able to send Reno on such things, knowing how he felt. He wanted to believe that it was the truth that it was just coincidence, but he would not be able to make the decisions he had to. If Reno was ever assigned to him he would not be able to make those choices.

Sephiroth grabbed the wrist as the fingers ran through the hair.

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 5:18 am

Reno could have stopped Seph grabbing his wrist, but he didn't. Slowly he lowered his arm as much as the grip would allow.

"The tell me, what did you want me to do? Lie? Wait for a war and you to find out on the spot? How is that any better than this?" Angrily he wrenched his wrist away from Seph with a frown. "Do you think I want you to know this? I am by no means proud of what I sometimes have to do but it puts a roof over my head, food on my table and my daughter in a good school where I know she's safe. It's a job."

He sighed and rubbed his wrist where Seph had grabbed it - it didn't even hurt, the action had merely surprised him. He hadn't expect that he would lay his hands on him at all.

"Look, I get it. I'm now tainted because of what I do. Trust me, I've heard it enough from other soldiers. I'm some kind of creature that can't be trusted to tell the truth if his life depended on it, who can't get close to someone without it being for the job. Well you're wrong. I care for you... more than I was going to let myself feel for someone other than Cerys ever again because despite what people think - I'm not as strong as people think either."

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 5:28 am

Sephiroth could not tune him out, could not stop the yells, and he did not want to. He could not allow himself to shatter, couldn't let himself break. Sephiroth glanced down towards him and reached out to grab his shirt. "Reno! Can't you allow me a little fear? I like you, maybe even love you. I cannot send you into that, cannot allow myself to be the reason you die."

One hand dropped and cradled Reno's face as he pressed his forehead against the other's.

"Reno, we all pay a price. The horrors I have committed in the past..."

Sephiroth tilted his head up and claimed his lips.

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 5:37 am

Reno kissed him back without hesitation, pulling him closer. He was afraid to let there even be a molecule between them for fear Seph might pull away. Eventually he broke the kiss, resting his forehead against the other man's.

"You can be as scared as you like because I'm terrified," he admitted softly. "Of our jobs, of this - of us. I've never felt like this for someone before... and... I don't want to lose you but... You're right. We are a breath from war and that's all I've been able to think about because if it happens then I lose you. For a short while... maybe forever. I don't know, you don't know. I'd follow you there and watch your back but it's more likely to get us both killed worrying about each other than do any of us any good. But if I don't go and something happens to you, and I know I could have stopped it..."

He sighed, knowing he was rambling again but his mind was reeling and his heart racing. Softly he pressed his lips to Seph's.

"I think I love you too," he whispered.

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 5:52 am

The hand dropped from Reno's shirt and moved instead to wrap around Reno's waist, holding him tightly against his body. He knew that fear, had realized it, knowing the idea of returning to the battlefield was quickly becoming a reality. He was not a young man anymore, barely out of his teens. So much could happen, he could die, a reality he accepted every time he stepped out onto that battlefield.

Reno's admittance though practically stopped his thought process.

"I cannot promise you I will return if it happens. I cannot even promise my sons that, but they know that. This is my job, but the horrors of it I will never tell them. What i can promise is that if I am sent away I will fight my hardest to return to you. Our jobs will not make this easy, I do not want to send you to murder."

Sephiroth let his thumb linger under Reno's chin and tilt it up as lips were pressed together again. "But that will not make me leave. This is worth fighting for." Lips pressed back against Reno's once again, slow, but filled with just a want to be with him.

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 6:12 am

Reno could feel in the kiss that everything Seph said was true, and he fed back all his want as the kiss deepened.

"Then come what may we'll make this work," he replied when they broke the kiss. "I want to be with you, and even if you're sent away... I'll wait for you. I meant it when I said I would make sure the boys are safe and as happy as they can be considering the circumstances. They are important to you, so they're important to me."

He sighed and kissed him again. "I'm sorry I ruined dinner... our first date," he said with a small smile. "We don't have to let the night go to waste though. If you still want us to talk to Kadaj then I am still ready to do that - and I understand if you've changed your mind at all, or want to wait for another time. I told you from the start - we're on your schedule, and I'm happy with that."

His fingers gently brushed over Seph's cheek as the smile became warmer. "I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I am so glad for it every day I'm with you. As grossly over-sentimental as that is."

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 6:54 pm

Sephiroth held him close to his body and the fingers moved to brush through the red hair. "It will be easier knowing they're cared for, and knowing I will not have to live with just my leaves to see you, if this goes the way I fear."

The lips brushed back against Reno's and he cradled the back of Reno's head as he held him close. "You can repay me with a second one," Sephiroth held him close as he pressed a brief kiss to Reno's forehead. "None of this changes my seriousness of this relationship Reno. I want this to move to the next step and first Kadaj must know the truth. I tire of hiding this and with war coming it is necessary that they know the truth. That they have someone who understands should the worst happen."

Sephiroth dropped his hand from the back of Reno's head and moved it to his chin, tilting his head up. Lips briefly brushed against Reno's once again.

"I have caused you more problems, so perhaps I am a fortunate one."

Sephiroth leaned forward and pressed his lips against Reno's as he held him close, the deep kiss the only way he could truly express the emotions that had overtaken him for so long. They had made it through that, jumped that hurdle, and if anything Sephiroth wanted this man to stay even more than he had.

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 7:12 pm

Reno ran his fingers through Seph's hair as they kissed, his heart still pounding even though he knew that things were going to be okay now. That his job wasn't going to ruin this relationship - the one thing he had feared the most.

"I'm determined to assume that should this war happen... you come back alive in one piece. I guess that's what military wives do," he teased lightly, kissing him lightly again. "I think we should go and talk to Kadaj now... and then see if we can't grab a late bite - or I'll cook or something. I want to make it up to you."

He stroked Seph's cheek with a small smile. "Now, before we change the subject completely... is there anything you feel you need to know to put any doubts at rest. I don't want this hanging over us in any way."

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 8:49 pm

"Does that make you my wife?"

Sephiroth returned the soft kiss and held Reno against his body. Fingers combed through the unruly red hair. "I would like that. We may want some time away after we speak with Kadaj," the fingers continued to stroke through Reno's hair as he rested his forehead against the other's, arms held him tight. They had made it through their first fight and they were still together. Nothing had happened to them.

"No, I trust that I know the real you. I know the basics of the job, just tell me when it's a job, so I know when to be concerned if you are gone too long."

It was risky for both of them, and too much information in general, but at this point it didn't matter. He wanted to know where Reno was, the truth about it rather than lies. Sephiroth knew he would have to deal with the fear of what could happen if he was captured. But that he could deal with.

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 9:19 pm

"Hmmm," he purred softly, the familiar cheeky twinkle in his eyes as he brought his left hand up and looked at it. "In spirit, perhaps, until you get me a nice diamond."

He was teasing in his usual way which showed that he felt a lot more relaxed now. It didn't stop his tight grip on Seph, though, not yet anyway.

"I'm glad you know that I'm me... because otherwise I was looking at dragging my mum here, doing a whole series of blood tests... and don't think I wouldn't have if it was the only thing that would have made you believe me." He kissed his softly and nodded as he pulled back. "I promise - if it's a job, I'll tell you."

He pulled back fully, his hands still on Seph's waist though. "Lets go to yours, talk with Kadaj. I have to tell someone that you're mine, and I don't think Jess would appreciate the call this late because of Cerys."

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 10:05 pm

"You may eat those words someday."

Fingers moved to brush over Reno's cheek and returned the soft kiss, releasing him enough to let Reno pull away. "I am sure Kadaj would appreciate the knowledge, and then we can together prepare for the storm when Yazoo and Loz find out."

No more secrets, just the truth, and the fact that he would no longer have to pretend that Reno was nothing more than a friend. But with that things could become so much worse. "Let's go, I'm sure Kadaj is waiting up."

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 10:11 pm

Reno nodded and finally released him, going to the door and jamming his feet back into the shoes he had kicked off not too long ago. He retrieved the keys and turned to Seph.

"Maybe we'll be lucky and they're just in the closet?" He laughed, slipping his hand in Seph's and lightly pulling him towards the door. "I guess buying their affections is completely morally wrong and out of the question? Just in case it gets ugly... Can't be too careful."

Reno pulled him into another kiss and opened the door. "Let's just hope he thinks this is good news..."

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sat Jul 21, 2012 11:58 pm

"Yazoo perhaps, Loz not so much," Sephiroth followed as Reno pulled them, the warmth of the hand against his own. "You can suck up to them as much as you would like, however there is no promise that will help."

As another kiss was pressed back Sephiroth ran his fingers lightly over Reno's jaw and let his hand drop away. Kadaj had wanted him to have someone so he only hoped the eldest of the three wouldn't be too angry with the truth being hidden for a month.

With the door opened Sephiroth stepped forward. "He may be a little angry but I believe Kadaj will be happy with this."

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sun Jul 22, 2012 12:06 am

Reno chuckled and proceeded to the elevator. "I guess in about ten minutes we'll know for sure."

He was nervous, but knew this was what he wanted. He didn't want to hurt the boys - that was his worry. He was lucky that Cerys was young and she either immediately liked someone or disliked them - and she took quite the shine to Seph. For him the hard part was over (long before they knew they would be at the stage they were, in fact) and Jess would be fair.

He headed out of the elevator when they reached the ground floor and head in the direction of Seph's home. "Nervous?" He questioned lightly.

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sun Jul 22, 2012 1:02 am

Sephiroth stepped in behind Reno and pressed a kiss to the top of Reno's head. "We'll deal with whatever problems they cause."

Though if he admitted the truth he wanted them to get along. He needed them to at least accept Reno. If they didn't things could become truly difficult and that was not something Sephiroth was certain he could deal with. All too soon the elevator jerked to a stop and he was pulled lightly from it.

"I would be an idiot not to be, but it will be fine. Kadaj wanted this," though he knew he was trying to convince himself of that as much as Reno.

Subject: Re: Astraphobia [M] [Closed] Sun Jul 22, 2012 5:52 am

"I keep telling myself that too - he would expect us to be at this point sometime if tonight went well... it's just... you just have to be honest with him. It was unexpected and you didn't want to jinx things by telling him about it until you knew there was something to tell." He squeezed his hand gently and moved a little closer to him as they walked. "And that it was him setting us up that really cemented it for us both - that this was something we wanted and that we're looking at this in a long term way. That way we're honest, and we give him that boost we were talking about."

Reno leaned in and kissed his cheek we they walked. "Well, I figure that's close enough to the truth for you, right? I mean, for me that's... pretty much exactly it. I knew I wanted this to be an official thing - it just took a shove in the right direction, and a small detour, to get us to admit it."

He chuckled softly and gently de-tangled their hands as they began to walk down his street. "How long do you think it would have taken for one of us to break and admit it first if it wasn't for Kadaj?"

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