Mission from Hell [M]

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:50 am

Tseng bit back what he really wanted to say and do and just sat down, placing a hand on Reno's knee gently. "Reno, I.. it took me a while to realise you weren't just trying to mess with my head and that you did think of me, even somewhat, as more than your boss or teacher." He closed his eyes, fighting for control of his words and actions. "When I did figure it out it was too late.. when I realised I was actually feeling the same way it was too late."

He looked back up at the red head, sadness in his eyes. "Do you remember when I first saw you two?" He asked, trying to give Reno a semi-good memory to think on at least.

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:57 am

"I think it's the only time I've ever seen you drop a mug of coffee," he chuckled softly, moving closer to Tseng and slipping an arm around him in half a hug, resting his head on his shoulder. "You cursed us both out for about five minutes before remembering that Gen spoke Wutainese. That has to be the only time I've seen you blush too."

He gave a soft sigh and shifted a little closer, curling into him much like he had when he had first joined the TURKs and Tseng allowed him to grieve for his parents.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't be yelling at you - it's not your fault. I shouldn't... It's my fault you thought I was fucking with you, and I shut myself off. I can't expect you to read my mind."

He rest his head lightly against Tseng's temple. "You're all I have now," he said, voice barely above a whisper. "I don't want to lose you too."

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:05 am

Tseng held Reno close and whispered softly.. as if saying the next few words would break Reno even more, or himself.. he wasn't sure on that fact. "The reason I came to your office at that time was.. I was going to ask you if you wanted to go out to dinner.. or something." He closed his eyes, not sure if he wanted to see the look on Reno's face. "I was going to tell you how I felt that night. But when I saw you two.. I gave up hope and returned to who you thought I really was. It was just easier that way for both of us."

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:16 am

Reno didn't think he could break any more... and then the bombshell hit him. Part of him wanted to pull away from Tseng, knowing it wasn't fair to him to hold on the way he was if his friend felt that way about him and he... he wasn't feeling that way about him, on account of his husband just being killed. Part was scared to let him go in case he lost Tseng too... and a good part of him was angry that he had to find this out now of all times.

He opened his mouth but nothing came out, the words wouldn't come. He sat there in silence for a while, not loosening his hold on Tseng in case he took the silence in the wrong way.

"That does explain a few things," he said eventually, squeezing him gently. "I don't know what to say, Tseng... I just..." He gave up looking for words and kissed his cheek lightly, his mind a whirlpool. "I think it's something we should talk about later... I... Don't think of that as me pushing you away. I know you well enough to know what you're going to do. Don't. Please... I know it's not fair to you but... I need you. I couldn't bear losing him when I knew he was alive... I don't think I can do this on my own."

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:28 am

Tseng sighed and shook his head. "The debriefing can wait until tomorrow, Reno. Take your time to think, it was wrong of me to tell you that now." He pulled away from the red head slightly and stood up, going to his desk this time, his back to Reno to hide the pained look on his face. "Why don't you go and see how General Sephiroth is handling the loss of his friend." He suggested, doing his best to keep his voice calm and level.

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:39 am

"Please don't push me away," he said softly. "You're right.. your timing sucks but..." He stopped, not knowing what it was he was trying to say. He didn't feel that way about Tseng any more. He did once, and once it nearly consumed him - it was what had led him to Genesis in the first place. He needed to stop chasing something that he thought could never happen, and from that he fell in love with someone else, chalked what he felt for Tseng to infatuation and left it at that.

Even so he couldn't help but feel guilty that he was hurting his best friend the way he was.

Or that part of him was wanting to tell him that one day, a day far in the future, there might be a chance because even though he would always love Genesis, and he would always wish he was still alive... one day he would be ready to move on. That moment wasn't right then, he didn't know how long it would be for him to feel that way but he was no stranger to death - he knew that one day it suddenly got better and even though it felt like his heart had been torn out... life would go on.

It didn't stop him feeling like he was cheating on his husband just thinking about a time when he might not hurt as much as he was right then.

"Will you still be here when I get back?"

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:42 am

Tseng nodded. "I have a lot of paperwork on this mess to sort out." He said softly.

He couldn't bare to look at Reno now, he didn't want Reno to see the tears that were threatening to fall. A TURK never cried, especially their Director! Tseng would never admit he did, no one knew he actually had feelings that could be hurt like any one else's.. no one apart from Reno that was and even then he knew the red head sometimes probably thought he'd only imagined it.

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:52 am

"It'll be ok," he offered quietly, not sure what to say. He knew that Tseng was hurting - he wasn't foolish enough to believe that he wouldn't be. "We'll be ok, Tseng. I... I know it doesn't help but even before today you have always been one of the most important people in my life."

He wanted to go to him, hold him and comfort him, his head reeling at how everything had so suddenly turned on it's head and he was the one needing to console Tseng.

Reno went to the door, his hand faltering as he went for the handle. "This won't help either but... I care about you too much for you to be a rebound, comfort fling. Far too much to treat you like that. Deep down you know that you don't want that either."

He slipped silently out of the office, brushing away the tears that for now were born more of confusion than grief. He made his way to Seph's office and knocked, propping himself against the door frame, suddenly exhausted from the effort it had taken to walk there.

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:58 am

Tseng fell to his knees a few moments after Reno had left his office. "I'm sorry Reno... I'm sorry Genesis.. I never should've said anything, Veld was right about that." He whispered, covering his eyes to hide the tears that were falling.

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Sat Apr 14, 2012 5:18 pm

Zack didn't need any words to leave Sephiroth's mouth to know what he was thinking and feeling at that moment. Angeal was dead because of him and likewise Sephiroth had taken Genesis' life. If anything it was common ground, that they now stood upon. he would never forget how he felt after Angeal died, he was wracked with so much emotion and guilt that it almost threatened to consume him.

Zack's hand moved down Seph's back running over it rubbing it comforting.
"I want to say the pain lessens over time." He whispered. "Sometimes there are days though where it consumes your very soul. It gets harder before it gets easier, but you're not alone... ever."
He moved his mouth to Seph's kissing those lips taking them in his own. Their relationship was still new so Zack knew he shouldn't push anything upon Seph that he didn't want. But he felt the need to show him that he cared and he cared deeply for him.

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:47 pm

The touch was a reminder, a reminder that he was not alone, that he was not left alone to suffer in pain. Sephiroth could only hold Zack close and relish the warmth of his body. He hadn't been completely left alone. He was the only left of his friends but in turn he had Zack to hold. The pain was still there, it ate at him, tore at his heart but he knew that he could make it through this, just as long as Zack was there. If he were to be left alone he feared he would waste away completely.

The lips pressed against his and Sephiroth moved back against him. Sephiroth held him close and let the warmth envelop him. It wasn't a hungry kiss, just a need to keep Zack close, always in contact. He inhaled Zack's scent, the taste of his lips, and just clung to him desperately.

Sephiroth could not remember a time he had felt so weak and helpless, but in the face of the pain he was feeling he could not fight against it. It seemed he was not yet strong enough to defend himself against this, possibly never would be.

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:20 pm

Reno sighed and knocked again, not sure if he could hear someone inside or if his head was simply pounding harder than it had already been. He pushed himself upright again and paused for a moment before heading back to the elevator. He wouldn't know what to say to him in any case... but no matter where he went now he didn't know what to do any more.

As he pressed the button for the elevator he couldn't help but feel the tug to to the medical floor, the need to be with Genesis. The logical, TURK side of his brain was telling him that it was just a body now, that Genesis' life force had already gone and there was nothing to visit but a corpse and to go would be unnecessarily sentimental.

Part of his emotional brain urged him to do it, and the other part of it told him that he wasn't ready, that he needed to remember him alive, remember how he looked and felt and smelt when he was Genesis, not a body on a slab in a medical examiner's office.

As he stepped onto the elevator he nearly walked into another TURK, one that thankfully knew better than to ask a colleague about a mission that left them covered in blood. As he was asked which floor he was going to he hesitated; he ought to go back to Tseng but that wouldn't give him time to figure out his mind and decide how best to work things out with Tseng.

He must have taken a considerable amount of time in his head because the next he knew he was on the ground floor - the other TURK had given up waiting for his answer. He stood in the door of the elevator, looking out at the lobby and wondering what it was he was wanting to do. Eventually he stepped back went to the corner of the elevator, slumping into it with a suppressed sob.

The elevator could choose for him.

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Sun Apr 15, 2012 3:25 am

Zack continued to rub Sephiroth's back, when he felt Seph cling to him.
He hated feeling powerless to help Seph. This comfort was all he give him.
Zack hoped Reno was doing okay, if Genesis was a friend and his death was affecting Seph like this.
Then Reno... would probably be a right mess. Zack knew he would be if anything happened to Seph.
"Did you want me to order us some food?"

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Sun Apr 15, 2012 8:14 am

Food... something he hadn't even thought about ever since Genesis forced his hand. Though while he knew he had to eat, common sense told him so, he had no desire to. All he felt was the emptiness that seemed to eat at his heart and the need for these warm arms. Tears were foreign to him, an idea he had never understood. He remembered conversations of it and the only thing he could grasp was that he desired it, a physical manifestation of the pain that ate at him.

Some things human were simply beyond him, a reminder that he was different and while he suffered the medics kept the cold body of his friend locked away. He desired to retreat to a time when things were simpler, when they were younger and his friends both lived. But nothing could turn back the clock, and these feelings felt as if they would eat him alive, unable to express them.

"Yes," Sephiroth finally said reluctantly and loosened his hold slightly on Zack's body. He knew he would have to allow him to leave, he would need to continue to work, at least until everything was settled and they could escape this hell.

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Sun Apr 15, 2012 4:35 pm

Zack stood up reluctantly and moved to Seph's lounge to grab the cordless and returned to the room.
He dialed in his local take away place as he sat back down on the bed his hand moving to Seph's to grab it, holding it and giving it a reassuring squeeze.
He made the order for a couple of pizza's. It was one satay extra spicy pizza and the other a full blown meat lovers, and a large bottle of soda.
Even if Seph didn't drink it, he would.
Giving them his name and Seph's apartment number, he didn't need to do much else.
He hung up looking at Seph. "Half an hour wait."
Zack lay down next to Seph bundling the general in his arms. It was a weird sensation to be comforting Seph like this, but he knew Seph didn't need to be left alone at that moment.

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Mon Apr 16, 2012 1:22 am

"Angeal. It's you." Genesis looked upon the face of his old friend, the one who had long passed away. The look on his face, Angeal had known what had happened and he could feel the pain that Genesis felt by knowing that he had left Reno alone back home. He remembered the day that Angeal had found out about him and Reno, when he had walked into Sephiroth's office just to find Genesis and Reno busy having sex on their friend's desk. It had been a moment of complete and total embarrassment for Genesis, since only a few months earlier Angeal had broken up with Angeal when he discovered that Genesis was a prostitute.

"Hello again, Genesis."

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Mon Apr 16, 2012 1:50 am

It was not long however the chill of loneliness seized his heart quickly. How he had fallen, so desperate for any sort of warmth. He had never been so weak before but now it seemed to consume him, the terror of being alone. Even as strong as he was it ate away at his soul. The warm hand was placed against his own and Sephiroth's grip remained around Zack's hand. In the end would even his strength not be enough?

There was no answer to that and even when Zack told him of the wait time there was a barely perceptible nod. Weakness was unacceptable, however he could not move past this. He could not push the pain away and forget about it. He had done his best to ice his heart, to place the armor around his soul, when Angeal had died. But now, with Genesis' blood on his blade he could only mourn the loss.

The armor had shattered and the loneliness was real, both his friends now dead. As Zack laid down once again and held him he could only hold back and stare past him, unresponsive to anything the outside world but the warmth.

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Mon Apr 16, 2012 6:19 am

Zack could feel it Seph was closing off from everything.
He kissed Seph on the lips softly, his mouth tracing the jawline.
He didn't want to loose Seph to this, not when they were making plans to leave together.
Zack nipped behind Seph's ear softly.
"Stay with me... Don't let your mind wonder on it to much, when we're gone from here then you can. But don't loose to it now because it takes forever to get out of that dark place. If you want to leave, we need you to have your wits about you. If you need to do something to get all that emotion out, then do it. Take it out on me. Put your mind into somewhere... nicer, just to focus for now."

There was a limit as to how far grief sucked people in, Zack assumed Seph didn't or hadn't wallowed in grief much, so this round would be extra hard. Like every loss would pile on top of each other and probably swallow him.
He had to keep Seph's mind occupied. he had to keep Seph occupied so he didn't fall in to it.

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:37 am

The green eyes flickered open again and Sephiroth held Zack close. He relished the warm kisses as the mouth moved over him and the slight nip caught his attention as did the request. Sephiroth exhaled slowly as he tried to focus on the present. He had to escape this before it consumed him. He could not become weak enough. If he did ShinRa would have him forever. Escape, that was what he needed, as soon as they could manage it.

He had to focus, and slowly Sephiroth held Zack close, his breathing evened slightly. "Just stay here with me tonight Zack," he whispered, his voice quiet. It wasn't as certain as it had always been, nearly trembling, but it was enough. He had to replace that wall, the armor that had kept him safe even as Angeal's death battered him.

He buried his fingers in Zack's hair and all he could do was hold him close as he drew in a breath. It was shallow and hitched slightly but still no tears would ever come.

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:44 am

"Of course... you know I'm not going to leave you tonight."
Zack looked at Seph. Wondering if he should even suggest distracting him in other ways tonight.
His hand played over Sephiroth's chest fingers lightly moving to brush along the side of Seph's neck.
The hand then moving into Seph's hair, fingers rolling through the strands.
"I'm not that kind of person to leave you alone when you're like this. Never... I'll sleep here every night until I know you're okay."

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Mon Apr 16, 2012 10:17 am

The strands moved lightly as he felt Zack's fingers in his hair. Some of the strands brushed against his bare chest as he held him and Sephiroth ran his own through Zack's hair. He was close and would remain so by his own words and for now Sephiroth knew he could focus on that, at least for the moment. He looked down at Zack and lightly pressed his lips to the other's, desperate for more of the warmth, the assurance that he would not leave as well.

Sephiroth held him close and a soft sigh escaped as one hand was placed on Zack's back.

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Mon Apr 16, 2012 11:44 am

It took a good long while for Tseng to gather himself again, standing up and moving shakily around his desk for his tissues. Wiping his eyes he took a few deep breaths and concentrated on centering himself and returning his professional, emotionless mask back into place.

Once he felt he was composed and ready to face his work again, Tseng plugged the security camera back in and returned to his desk, sitting down. Opening a document on his computer he stared at it for a moment then started to type up his report of the past mission furiously. Don't worry, Reno. I wont be implicating you in this report. You were seduced by his corruption. He thought, knowing that if the President and Executives knew about Reno and the ex-General's actual relationship there would be serious trouble to come for the red headed TURK.

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Mon Apr 16, 2012 2:17 pm

Zack opened his mouth, letting Seph kiss him as much as he wanted.
He could feel the desperation and all he wanted was to comfort him.
Morally this was probably wrong, but all he wanted was to distract Seph enough for the night so that Genesis' death wasn't going to consume him.

Fingers rolled through Seph's hair, petting him in a soothing manner.
His other hand rolling up and down Seph's side stroking the skin lightly.
He knew their relationship was in the new stage, but he just wanted to take Seph's mind out of the dark.
Give him something positive o focus on.

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:50 am

The touches felt good, the fingers stroking his hair and the touches to his skin. Sephiroth pressed desperate kisses to Zack's lips as he held him and savored the warmth and the taste, a reminded that this was real, that he wasn't alone. One hand reached for Zack and stroked his back and kissed him again. He needed this, needed to feel something other than the pain.

"I need to feel something, something besides the pain."

He just held him and took in the scent.

Subject: Re: Mission from Hell [M] Tue Apr 17, 2012 3:19 am

Zack didn't need to hear anything else. He relished in the touches Seph gave, how close he was pressed to him.
Sucking in a shuddering breath. His hand moved over Seph's chest rolling up and down it stroking the skin.
"Whatever you want me to do to help. I will do without question."
Zack nipped at Seph's neck softly. His other hand still rolling through those long strands of silver.
Finger brushing through the hair gently in hopes to ease Seph into a state of comfort.

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