Trouble with Family

Guest

I followed Denzel and got in line with him.It wasnt a long line so that ment we could get on the ride faster.I missed all the times that me and Denzel had fun together.We were happy living at the bar and all.Untill he had to go to this camp or whatever and leave us.I knew he cared because he did what he wanted to do.To keep us safe from any harm that was brought.He still loved us and thats what mattered.Right?

Subject: Re: Trouble with Family Tue May 22, 2012 4:30 pm

It was quiet, a bit too quiet, and Denzel turned to look at Marlene. The line was moving quickly so he decided that he would ask her about it when they got on the ferris wheel. Steps were taken forward as he studied the younger girl for a moment. A lot had changed but for now he could pretend like everything was normal, like it was before he joined the army.

Back when they were just kids, and they had nothing to worry about. After the Geostigma was cured.

"It should be our turn soon."

Guest

'Well,good then" i giggled "We could start our little 'adventure' on the carnival" By the ferris wheel,we could see everything of the carnival.The rides,the stands,the people walking around,the games.Everything! It was our turn now and I slid into the cart-part of the ride.Along with Denzel,sitting down I put my hands in my lap "LEts try to have thr funnest day today.Okay?" I guess Tifa had rubbed off on me alittle bit.I giggled at thr thought.

Subject: Re: Trouble with Family Wed May 23, 2012 12:38 am

Denzel turned towards her with a smile as he took the seat beside her. He leaned back and glanced straight ahead. "You've been pretty quiet Marlene," Denzel said as he stared straight ahead. "Is there anything wrong?"

The ride gave a jerk as it began to lift up for the next cart to be loaded.

Guest

I looked at him once more "I am? Sorry." i giggled and rubbed the back of my head "everything is fine.Im just so happy your hanging around.By that I mean like hanging out with me.I miss the times we spent times together.But you put that aside for us and to protect us.Im glad you did it.It was right for what you did,even though you feel guilty inside,you shouldnt because we are safe and will always be."

Subject: Re: Trouble with Family Wed May 23, 2012 2:10 am

"I don't feel guilty for leaving, it's the things I have to do," Denzel smiled slightly in response. "But it's okay because I'm doing good there."

Denzel leaned back as it slowly moved again with a slight jerking movement. He turned and smiled briefly towards Marlene. "I'll get off as much as I can but I don't know how much that'll be. But you can write me, it's probably easiest that way. I don't know if I can always take calls especially when I'm on mission and there's something nice about mail."

There was a slight smile. "But if you call I'll try to actually answer."

Guest

"No worries on the calling you!" I smiled "Mail would be better for you.Becides,taking a call and letting me talk to you-Not the best Idea when im missing you and all.Just like when you came back home.I wouldnt stop talking untill I fell asleep" I giggled "I rather I have it on paper for you to read since you read faster than what you hear most of the time."

Subject: Re: Trouble with Family Wed May 23, 2012 2:24 am

"And I wouldn't have to cut you off if I needed to do something. I'll leave you my PHS number so you can mail me on that if you can steal a phone long enough to do it. Or you can send stuff to the WRO headquarters," Denzel felt the ferris wheel move again but this time it didn't stop. It was rather slow but enough to feel the slight breeze against his face as it ruffled his hair. He had missed these moments of freedom, everything by strict military order.

"It'd be nice to have letters from you and Tifa and maybe even Cloud. It's just something to hold and remember why I'm doing this."

Guest

Nodding I leaned back "ok,but you dont have to do that.I'll just send the letters to the HQ." I closed my eyes as I felt the nice breeze and then,opening my eyes,I looked at him "I'll be sure to give Cloud a lecture like Tifa does.And give him meny reasons why to write you a letter." I giggled "sound good to you?" I knew it was a small laugh like thing.

Subject: Re: Trouble with Family Wed May 23, 2012 3:05 am

Denzel suddenly laughed at the idea of Marlene giving Cloud a lecture. He had never been able to really do that properly, talk back to him. He hadn't even been able to do it with his own parents. "Sure, if you think it'll help."

Somehow Denzel doubted it, but letters from Tifa and Marlene would be more than enough. It would be something to hold onto during the long days away. Sometimes it felt like that was the only thing he needed, a reminder of home and the people he was fighting for.

Guest

"It mostly helps if you think about it." I shrugged "Becides,if he doesnt make a letter me and Tifa can just send you ours and try to say things in Clouds point of view.We love you Denzel so we would expect so much of you.even though you have done allot for us anyway." I scratched my arm since it was slightly itchy "I know you wouldnt forget us."

My head is dying inside....XD

Subject: Re: Trouble with Family Wed May 23, 2012 4:56 am

"It's not enough," Denzel stared down for a moment. "It won't be enough until I'm strong enough to keep anyone from being hurt."

A sigh escaped as he leaned back slightly. It was always on his mind, needing to grow stronger. As long as he was too weak people would be hurt. It always happened that way, so many times. But he was sure Marlene wouldn't understand that. He had only told Tifa, Cloud, and Reeve his story, not wishing to repeat it. He could never forget what he had to do so no one would be hurt again.

Because he had lost everyone else.

Guest

"you are doing a good Job Denzel.Dont say that its not enough.You have been saving allot of people lately.Thats good,dont ever say that its not enough,it is.You may think you are weak but you are not." He was not weak when he was smaller.He was still strong,he done what he could.Still,he repeats the same thing over.Saying he isnt strong enough when he is.

Subject: Re: Trouble with Family Wed May 23, 2012 5:28 am

Denzel shook his head in response to that. "I'm not strong enough," he said as he closed his hand. "I've save some people but I've killed a lot too, so I need to keep fighting. I will keep fighting as long as I have to so all of you are safe. I don't care what it takes."

A sigh escaped as Denzel looked ahead. "But it isn't your problem. You should just be like you are and leave it all up to me."

Guest

"denzel..." I sighed and shook my head "You have done plenty.I dont want you to say thoes things.The people who dies on the other side are none of your consern other than your teamates.Your teammates are what count.Keep them safe too.Not just us." I looked worriedly at him.I was telling what I had on my mind.At the moment,

Subject: Re: Trouble with Family Wed May 23, 2012 8:40 pm

"You can never even imagine what it's like to have someone's death on your conscience. Battle does things to people, and now I can't go back to who I used to be," he turned back towards her. "I just need to go forward and keep fighting no matter what happens. That's the only way to deal with it. I always thought I could get strong and be like Cloud, protect people, but I never thought what I'd have to give for it."

"I'll keep all of them safe, and you too. I fight so no one else has to. It's what I wanted, to keep the ones I cared about from dying."

Denzel looked back at Marlene. "I'm sorry Marlene, I'm still your big brother... just some things... can't ever be the same."

Guest

Listening to this I shook my head when he had finished talking "No,you can go back to the way you were.You just lost that side of you and cant find it again.But maybe you can find it.Maybe you have.Who knows?" He lost his normal self,the self he was when he was smaller.Which did make me a bit upset but I pushed it aside "you may be different now,But you can come back to yourself,your old self.Only if you want to"

Subject: Re: Trouble with Family Thu May 24, 2012 9:24 pm

He kept saying the wrong things, and that was starting to annoy him, but it was the truth. After what he had been required to do under orders he could never return to the kid he used to be. That child hadn't killed before, he didn't know the horrors of a battlefield. But now he knew them, now he had lived them and the blood of others was on his hands, men, women, so children even.

In battle there was no longer good and evil, just people trying to kill each other and that was something he hoped Marlene never understood.

"Sometimes people have to change."

Guest

"Not all people.I wont change,even though im in a higher grade and such and im not like a slut or anything like that.Im just me.The same Marlene from the beginning." I looked at my feet "you can change back.But you let everything hold you back and you cant even get back." all these things were keeping him from his real self.Keeping him inprisoned.

Subject: Re: Trouble with Family Fri May 25, 2012 11:09 pm

Denzel lifted his head slightly in response. "Marlene... I'm a murderer."

There, he had said it, certainly she had to understand now. He was a soldier now, it was what they had made him. He accepted his orders without question, killed whoever they needed killed. In the army they shattered the young men, broke their individuality, and then rebuilt them from the ground up to be weapons without fear whose loyalty was second to none.

It took thirteen weeks to be broken and rebuilt, and when he emerged he was not the same person he was before. Denzel leaned back and ran his hand through his shorter hair. It still hadn't grown fully back yet.

Guest

My eyes widen and I shook my head "No you are not! I wouldnt be here,neither would Cloud and tifa! Im still here,im having fun with you.Spending time.Im not dead.The people you kill is for a reason Denzel.If you were a murderer then you would have commited a 3rd or 2nd degree murder.Not a 1st degree.Dont ever say that about yourself!"

Subject: Re: Trouble with Family Sun May 27, 2012 7:53 am

Denzel managed a genuine smile after what seemed so long. It was small but it was there. "Then it doesn't matter that I do things like that because I'm told to..." he shook his head. "Some days it's so hard. I just want to lay down and not get up in the morning. It wasn't bad with distance battles, but sometimes they get close... and that's when I watch them die. I know it's what I have to do, I'm a soldier. but it never becomes any easier. I don't think it's supposed to."

Lightly a sigh escaped as he looked towards Marlene.

"Marlene, I'll fight like this, I'll do this stuff, so you can have peace. You deserve to live in a world of peace so I'll keep fighting."

Guest

"Even so! Its not you thats doing it.Its your leader that wants you to kill for him or her.." I felt so bad when he started to explain what would happen to him and things.I sighed "I know you want me to live in the world of Peace,but I also want you to be in the world of Peace also.I always hoped that you would be ok when you were gone and all.."

Subject: Re: Trouble with Family Sun May 27, 2012 7:16 pm

Denzel turned back towards her. "I'm okay Marlene. I've gone on a few missions, just beginner stuff before they send me on my next tour of duty," he smiled briefly. "I'm okay Marlene, really, it's just hard to adjust. I got so used to fights that being here is hard. I'm only here for about a week before I need to head back to base and already it feels weird."

It wasn't easy to watch people die, his enemies or his comrades. People he had trained with had died already, for stupid reasons too. They weren't even in a war and people were dying. There was always someone who wanted to fight.

"I'll do this as long as I have to, just so you and Cloud and Tifa don't have to fight. It's what I wanted."

Guest

Sighing I looked at the view. "we always have to fight.No matter what Denzel.When you are gone some things tend to happen.We mostlly have things happen at the bar and such." I looked at him "dont ever think your a bad person for something that was told by someone else.Your a good brother,friend,everything.You dont have reasons to hate yourself.But only if you do hate yourself.I doubt it though'