Healin(g) [Closed][M]

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Tue Jun 12, 2012 3:15 pm

"Well," Tseng said as he stood up, "I said join the TURKS, I never said anything about needing to apply." He placed his hand on the folders, mentally frowning at the work that was awaiting him still. "Think on your choices, the President will want to know what side of the fence you'll be standing on soon. He isn't the most patient of men as I'm sure you remember."

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Tue Jun 12, 2012 4:15 pm

Kadaj stood too, not ready to let him leave but not laying a finger on him to stop. He knew that to try would land him on his ass and alone before he had time to draw his breath.

"If I recall no one really applies for the TURKS," he said with a slight smirk, also putting his hand on the folders. "Forget the paperwork for a while."

He moved his hand and gently rest it on Tseng's. "Stay a while?" He gently caressed the back of his hand with his thumb, biting back his pride and continuing, "Please?"

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Tue Jun 12, 2012 6:35 pm

Sephiroth looked over the desk as Zack knelt down across from him. The file was placed down against the desk, realizing that this was not going to go away. Neither would the memories and thoughts that seemed to haunt his every waking moment. The ordeal with Kadaj had done nothing to free him of it. While the larger bed had been a welcome change, having fully prepared to spend the rest of his time in Healin on the floor, and the larger bed gave room for both.

Though the memories were still there as well as Kadaj's accusation that he was denying himself, that he was afraid to take what he truly wanted. He had denied it but the memory of the kiss was still there. "I suppose we do."

Sephiroth didn't want to have this talk, one that could only go accepting or denying. He did not want Zack to know that that kiss would not leave his mind. He certainly didn't want to alert Kadaj to the fact that he had been right about him, and certainly not Rufus. He had seen that smirk, heard those words saying there was likely much they had to talk about. "Though I do not know why you must earn your freedom through me. I am hardly the picture of good."

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Tue Jun 12, 2012 7:16 pm

Zack looked at Sephiroth. "Rufus said I needed to focus on an attainable... desire-"
He dropped to the ground on his knees slipping out of Seph's sight as he felt the flush form on his face.
"He... assigned you to stay with me because of what I did... under her control. He thinks..."
Zack felt the lump form in his throat. "You're my attainable desire."

Zack was completely red in the face just saying that out loud. He was confused as hell.
"I was hoping Denzel would keep me sane but that was thrown back in my face."
Zack looked to the ground just sitting there. Rufus had threatened to lock Seph in here with him if they didn't talk.
Especially if Zack didn't start the talk, like he knew Seph would not address this issue.

"But what if it doesn't work out, what if me being round you won't stop her either?"
He hated that mind set of thinking, it was a defeated thought process one he never really had before.
Negativity wasn't him. "Rufus wants us to talk about why I kissed you."
There after all the rambling he'd finally said it. "He wants me to start this conversation with you."

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Tue Jun 12, 2012 8:05 pm

Rufus...

Sephiroth should have known that he would interfere with a problem that he had deemed personal. He blinked for a moment as Zack slid away behind the desk and his voice continued. What he did... Sephiroth could only assume that Zack spoke of the kiss, the very thing he could not dismiss from his thoughts. The very thoughts that Sephiroth had been reminded of by Kadaj of all people. His own remnant seemed to understand these confusing emotions better than he himself did.

As Zack continued Sephiroth's breath halted for a moment. Zack's attainable desire? Him? It seemed that even Rufus was interfering, forcing him to take this head on. He could insist that these thoughts would not distract him in battle but a part of Sephiroth knew deep down that would not be enough. The elder Shinra had kept him chained, just a weapon to be used. Rufus had promised to treat him as a valued employee. Apparently that meant sticking his nose in his personal affairs.

"If it does not work I will be forced to end your life. It is the only gift I can give you, a promise that I will not allow you to destroy others under her control."

Even the thought cause an unbidden and unfamiliar tightening within his chest. It was truly foreign. "I believe we already did though I am certain he was not aware of it. Unless he wishes us to discuss that it is the acting out of that which we desire but would never do within common sense," it was an effort to keep his voice even, especially with the thoughts that seemed to haunt him.

He could not forget that kiss, making even sex a pale reflection. Whatever it was it seemed that even Rufus saw straight through it. Perhaps it was as Kadaj had spoken, that he truly wanted Zack as more than a friend.

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Tue Jun 12, 2012 9:33 pm

Zack remembered the words, Sephiroth had stated he would kill him if he fell into her control again.
Rufus had mentioned he would look into getting another batch of the cure.
But even then Zack had witnessed that it didn't fully work on Reno and Tseng and had knocked Seph out of fighting peak.
He rubbed his forehead as it throbbed just thinking about that. He did not want either option not right now.
There was too much going on inside his head lately. Mother, Seph, training Denzel... trying to get Cloud to forgive him.

Zack felt his face go red as Sephiroth made the comment of Rufus thinking they should discuss the acting out this desire.
He felt the twitch of his body at the thought of physically acting out that desire and he swallowed hard.
"Wait we?" Zack popped his head over the desk. "You have a desire you want to act out too?"
He stopped. "Or did you mean we as in me?" It was a general question lost in translation...
Even if it was from Seph English to Zack English.

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Wed Jun 13, 2012 2:41 am

Tseng lifted an eyebrow slightly at Kadaj but inclined his head slightly in agreement. "Very well, I suppose I can stay a bit longer." He sat back down on the bed, shifting his position slightly to look at Kadaj. "No, it's true that there is no really application process for the TURKS, but we watch those whom we think would be suited for us and then recruit them into ShinRa. It's whether or not they survive the training and other processes that determines if they are good enough for us. You have already proven that without even trying.. no," he lifted his hand, "not because of Sephiroth, but because of the fact you were able to restrain Elena, and namely myself, for long enough that we had no chance of escaping without help. I've seen you fight as yourself.. and I know what you are capable of."

He sighed softly. "I'm not pushing a decision on you, just giving you options you have probably not thought of before now. You can have a place with us, not be the outsider I know you feel like you are. TURKs always protect their own."

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Wed Jun 13, 2012 3:21 am

That had been a mistake. A slip, perhaps spurred on by Rufus' obvious push and the affair with Kadaj. Rufus had not straight out said anything but Kadaj had. He had straight out told him to his face that he was denying himself, his affections. They were things he did not fully understand and was still struggling to comprehend. "I... continued it."

Yes, he had, and though he could tell himself that it was all to gain control of the weapon, the same weapon that rested against the wall, it was a lie to deny that he had wanted it. Yes it was used that way however there was something more. He had enjoyed it and it occupied his mind even now.

It was growing increasingly difficult to find the words he desired to use, something he had never suffered from before.

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Wed Jun 13, 2012 7:02 am

Zack felt his face heat up. "Well sure... but you disarmed me using that."
Zack saw the flicker of confusion pass over Sephiroth's face and he stood up.
He walked round the desk there it was that desire again and he let out a breath.
Perhaps he could put Seph to the test. Infact it was decided he would put Seph to the test.
"Look I'm not trying to attack you now. So lets just see what happens."
Zack's hand landed on the desk and he leaned in capturing Sephiroth's lips.
What Seph did now knowing he was sane would be entirely up to him.

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Wed Jun 13, 2012 7:47 am

"Elena was easy." Kadaj gave a small shrug and rejoined him on the bed, forcing his mind back to the crater and when the three brothers finally emerged together, trying to shake the sadness that thinking of them bought. Tseng had been a complication but the blonde girl... "She's good, but not as good as she needs or wants to be. Not as good as-" He wanted to say 'her sister' but he couldn't have known about her. That was Sephiroth's memory surfacing again and he gave a quiet sound of annoyance.

"Besides, if I join you one day I will have to go against Yazoo and Loz... and I can't do that. I have already betrayed them to save them once, and I would betray you to save them again... That seems to be my one true skill in this new life."

He rest his head on Tseng's shoulder with a sigh. "I must be annoying you as much as I do him. Both having been through so much and I'm ready to crumble at so little."

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Wed Jun 13, 2012 9:48 am

Sephiroth knew he should not have done what he had. He should not have allowed Zack to do this but there he was, lips pressed together. The hand had been placed down and Sephiroth pressed back against the kiss. If the first kiss had distracted him this one was proving to be so much more than that. Sephiroth reached over and grasped the side of Zack's face and pulled him closer.

Reluctantly Sephiroth drew back away from Zack. The contact broke and it took everything not to lean forward and claim those lips again. While he had been able to control himself with Kadaj this was like a drug. The sex with Kadaj had been nothing special, nothing important, but this was different. With this he hungered for more.

It was not normal, was unacceptable, but it didn't matter. He wanted so much more.

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Wed Jun 13, 2012 10:15 am

Zack blinked he had kissed back. Sephiroth had kissed him back again.
Seph had grabbed him and pulled him closer and kissed him back.
Zack was in shock when Seph let him go. he was staring at those green eyes.
It was like he wanted something more. Something friends shouldn't want.

Zack understood cause he wanted it to. More than anything now.
"Best out of three." Zack's voice took on a teasing tone.
He pressed back against Seph claiming those lips again.
Hungering his tongue searing those lips. He shouldn't have wanted more.

Yet Zack did, he was sane in control of himself and he wanted more.

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Wed Jun 13, 2012 8:53 pm

Common sense told him to pull away, it told him to retreat from the room and situation before they crossed that line between friends and lovers. It was far too late for that however, and Sephiroth dismissed the notion. Relationships did not need to be hidden. There was no Hojo, and it was Rufus that had pushed this confrontation. Rufus had placed him alone in charge of SOLDIER, so there was no reason to act before directors as if he was only that weapon Shinra created him to be.

Certainly Lazard had been more aware than others, given that he had not protested when Sephiroth had denied the mission to Banora.

But in the end could he be a neutral leader? Could he reasonably send Zack away on missions that were risky. Though that thought was dismissed just as quickly as it came as the tongue moved over his lips. They parted and allowed Zack entrance into his mouth, the contact like a fire that could not be controlled even if he willed it. As much as he loathed to admit it Kadaj had been right. He had denied himself this, there was something between them that could not be controlled by mere friendship.

Sephiroth pulled back and stood from the desk as the green eyes flashed towards Zack. The threshold between subordinate and superior had been crushed, but Rufus had placed him into this position of power. He had pushed the talk that led to this. It was a reminder of his own thoughts, that never again would Zack be hunted down. With SOLDIER being rebuilt and under his control he could wield it as a shield to protect him.

There was suddenly a humorless laugh as Sephiroth dropped his head and his hair swept around him. He had been trapped long before this second kiss. He had become trapped as soon as he had been reunited with Zack. It was all about him, his need for vengeance against Jenova had started because of what she had done to Zack, it had continued for other reasons but it was so little about what he had done. It had been his choice, blinded by the need for love. It continued on, standing up against her, this need for redemption, even threatening Rufus and accepting control of SOLDIER.

It had all been because of him.

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Thu Jun 14, 2012 3:44 am

Tseng nodded silently as he listening to Kadaj's words, he knew all about betraying family.. your town.. your history. He sighed and shook his head. "Yazoo is here and listening to Zack and Sephiroth at least, you should not have to worry about him too much.. as for Loz," he frowned a little. "If I remember rightly he was a little unpredictable but always did as you or Yazoo told him to do, am I right? So you shouldn't have to worry about them too much."

He placed his arm around Kadaj lightly, holding him gently. "You do not have to be strong all the time, you are still young and emotions are new to you. It'll take some time for you to figure things out. Reno once told me that it was ok to cry, it proves we are still human. I think Sephiroth told him that once."

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Thu Jun 14, 2012 4:02 am

Kadaj silently contemplated that Yazoo was there, and he felt part of him cry out to go to him, to reunite with at least one of his brothers. "Loz will listen to Yazoo above me because I walked away - I don't think either of them will listen to anything I have to say."

He slipped his arms around Tseng and curled closer with a small smile. "Yeah... the first time w- they met. You were both in a bad way that day." There was more he wanted to say but it wasn't his memory, not truly, and it wasn't his emotion to feel. "It's like everything he denied himself has bubbled up in me," he admitted quietly. "I feel it like it's my own but I know that I'm intruding on something private."

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Thu Jun 14, 2012 6:47 am

Sephiroth had allowed his tongue access into that mouth. It was just momentarily though.
Zack felt him pull back and step away. Emotional was not a strong point for him.
Yet he saw it the conflicting emotion on Seph's face. Contemplation.
Zack wondered what he was contemplating for the moment.

He was about to ask Sephiroth if he was okay. Then there was the drop of the head.
Followed by humorless laughter. Zack blinked for a moment. He was confused.
Zack could only watch as that long hair hung about Seph's face. Moving slightly.
He wanted to move towards him. But even he was confused on what he'd done and why.

It had seemed like the right thing at the time. To kiss him it seemed... natural.
"Hey Seph... Did I do something wrong? Are you okay?"

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Thu Jun 14, 2012 10:08 am

Sephiroth's head remained in its downward position, the hair spilling over his shoulders as he refused to look up. He waited for a moment but finally he spoke. "Everything I have done since my return, seeking redemption, fighting her, taking control of SOLDIER, it was all started because of you. Yes, there were other reasons as well, but every one of them it was you that began my reasoning."

And here he had been, denying that there was anything but friendship between them. Rufus had seen it, even Kadaj had seen it, his own remnant. That a creature created of him had seen beyond the emotion that he had not allowed himself to understand was a sudden shock within that moment. They had discovered those emotions that he himself would not embrace.

Sephiroth did not move, rather remained before Zack, his hair shielding his downward cast face.

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Thu Jun 14, 2012 10:45 am

Zack moved up to Sephiroth slowly before stopping right in front of Seph. Lifting his hand he brushed the hair from Sephiroth's face.
His mouth moved over Seph's again. Kissing him softly. Zack's arms sliding round Seph's neck holding him there.
He didn't know what to say at that moment. Sephiroth seemed to be confessing that he was his reason to go on.
Zack had to agree though, Seph was the reason he was going on too. He wasn't kidding anyone.
Jenova brought that desire for Seph to the surface. Awakening the memories that Zack had of fighting along side him.

Freeing Seph's mouth he looked up at him not letting him go. "We're more than friends aren't we?"
He gave Seph a small smile. A normal friend of Sephiroth's would not be able to get this close.
To hold him like this. Not without serious consequences. "What do we do about this then?"
He let his head forehead rest against Seph's shoulder as he let out a breath.
Fingers absently playing in Sephiroth's hair without a second thought.

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Thu Jun 14, 2012 11:25 am

The kiss that was pressed to his lips was soft and gentle, lacking the frenzied need of the others yet still enjoyable. Fingers reached up and stroked across Zack's cheek however nothing more was done for the moment. Perhaps he had been the fool, so reluctant to even acknowledge these emotions he did not understand. The kiss ended but Zack was still there, his body still close and the arms around his neck.

The answer seemed apparent now that it was being asked. The feeling of the kisses, the comfortable embrace, no they had already crossed that line. They could not go back to being just friends without desperately wanting more.

"Yes," Sephiroth finally answered after what felt like a very long moment. That smile, no matter how small, had grabbed his attention and he could not look away, not until Zack pressed against him could he break his eyes away from that smile. His arm wrapped around Zack's middle as he asked his next question. He did not know, did not understand how this was even supposed to work. In the past it had just been sex, nothing more, but now this was different. "I have no answer Zack."

What could they do? He wanted to hold Zack, and it became even stronger as the fingers stroked through the long strands of hair. Not long ago Kadaj had touched it, and while sexual he allowed it, but Zack's strokes were different. It was just a soft touch, a pleasant contact. Sephiroth wanted it to continue, wanted to keep Zack in his arms and push this well beyond friendship but he was not only his friend. He was his superior. "Angeal would end my life regardless of power if he ever discovered that I have even thought of entertaining such an idea."

But he had more than entertained it. That first kiss still haunted his mind. He was a prisoner already, long before he could resist.

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Thu Jun 14, 2012 12:58 pm

Tseng wrapped his arms around Kadaj gently and lifted a hand to stroke the boy's hair in a soothing way that he knew Reno liked at least. "Then use it against him, blackmail is a stronger weapon than a sword, Kadaj." He smirked a little. "Blackmail is actually one of the strongest weapons the TURKs have, just don't think you can use anything you know against myself."

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Thu Jun 14, 2012 1:08 pm

"I don't think blackmail would work on Sephiroth - he has absolutely no shame," Kadaj chuckled, his eyes closing as Tseng's fingers ran through his hair. "I wouldn't blackmail you, Tseng. We've both put you through too much for me to even contemplate that as an option."

He opened his eyes and looked into Tseng's before leaning in and kissing him softly again. "Especially since you're being so nice to me after I - personally - have been so wretched to you."

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Thu Jun 14, 2012 1:58 pm

"He has shame and secrets like anyone else, he just pretends he doesn't.. doesn't like to admit he's human like everyone else." Tseng said. "And the past is the past, you weren't in control of your own actions, I know that now. You were doing as she told you to, nothing more than that."

If anyone knew about following orders to the extreme it was Tseng... as for the kisses Kadaj was giving him, he didn't return them yet.. he wasn't sure if he should, if Reno would understand.. but then Reno was busy and Kadaj was here and... it was too much for him to think about right now.

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Thu Jun 14, 2012 2:07 pm

"I'm making you uncomfortable, I'm sorry," Kadaj murmured, pulling back from him with a faint blush. He brushed a lock of dark hair over Tseng's shoulder with a sad chuckle, not able to pull away completely, not yet. "It's probably a good idea if I don't join the TURKs until I've gotten all these emotions straight - I'll just make things worse. Or more awkward..."

His hand dropped to Tseng's, squeezing it gently. "Thank you - for being here."

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Thu Jun 14, 2012 2:11 pm

Tseng closed his eyes and sighed. "It is not your fault, you have other feelings and emotions you need to work through before you know who you really are." He leant close and kissed Kadaj gently for a moment. "You'll only have Reno to fight if he finds out about this."

Subject: Re: Healin(g) [Closed][M] Thu Jun 14, 2012 2:17 pm

"Maybe if he finds out I'd just invite him to join us," Kadaj retorted with a smirk, catching Tseng's lips with his own again. "Something tells me he wouldn't object."

He was fighting every impulse to push him back on the bed, straddle him and claim his lips until they needed to draw breath. He wanted him... needed him. Something familiar, something new... it was all a muddle of past and present that pooled into the simple heady feeling of 'want' and 'now'.

» Astraphobia [M] [Closed]
» Winging It [M][Closed]
» Better Days [M] [Closed]
» Relaxation [M] (closed)
» Fight for Freedom [closed] [M]